Safety and Reaccessing Tips
- as shared by ritual abuse survivors
These ideas have helped others. Some of them may
be of benefit to you. They are suggestions only. No one knows
your circumstances as well as you do. Safety planning is vital
to survivors. Your safety is important.
Accessing is the deliberate act of communicating
with an alter state and causing it to emerge without the
cooperation or consent of the host. Accessing is accomplished by
utilizing a "trigger" or "cue" established
at the time the alter state was created. The trigger acts as a
key to unlock the alter state.
A survivor who is healing, who is in therapy,
will be safest from accessing by getting to know their inside
people, talking to them. Most survivors of ritual abuse are
accessed by their own families, closest friends, and other
people they have had close ties with all their lives. Most
people are reaccessed because someone INSIDE of them picked up
the phone and called their "contact person."
Try to see if you have recontact alters inside.
They will usually contact people that they are amnesic to being
abused by, such as parents, siblings or friends. When I lived in
another state, all of my close friends, my spouse, my entire
family were cult active and I was completely amnesic about this.
I had to be willing to examine all relationships in my life and
give them up for a while. This is the #1 way perps get hold of
people: recontact programming inside.
Good therapy is essential, especially when a
person is first making the break. Create a safety plan and put
it in place, then begin the trauma work.
Develop a support team of safe people who
understand your circumstances enough to help you. Start with
your therapist, significant other, clergy, and/or a few friends.
It's hard to reach out and stop isolating, but a good support
team can make all the difference.
Be aware of what your triggers are. If you are
working actively with a therapist, hopefully you will explore as
many of your triggers as possible: colors, numbers, door knocks,
telephone rings, beeps of the horn or other devices, fans,
symbols, etc. Work with your therapist actively to deprogram
these triggers. Do a trigger assessment for each alter or part.
Take the phone off the hook so they can't leave
accessing messages. Get caller ID so you can screen your calls.
Although you must limit contact with loved ones
who are still involved in the cult, you can still love them. In
order to protect yourself, you must exercise certain
precautions, but you may find that your loved ones are in the
same boat that you are. They are also victims waiting for
change. Show your loved ones that it's not hopeless. There is a
Allow your personalities to remember information
about the current ritual abuse memories without the physical
sensations or emotions. From these memories, you must make
decisions about how to protect yourself from further
Don't alienate your personalities who seem to be
willing participants in the cult. It is important to remember
your own victimization. If you befriend these cult
personalities, they can help you break free. If you alienate
them or disbelieve them, they will turn to the cult for support.
You don't always have to be aware of the
behaviors of these cult personalities in order for them to help
you. If you have their respect, they can slowly manipulate their
abusers, loosening their ties to the cult. They can plan their
escape, while you learn to protect yourself from victimization.
As you are breaking free, if you have
personalities that are still returning to the cult, they will be
reprogrammed and tortured. This will make you especially fearful
and confused. At this point, make the break as soon as possible.
Keep control of your fear. Manipulate your abusers however you
feel you must in order to make yourself safe.
Don't let fear consume you. Tell your
personalities that you must control your fear, until you are
safe. If you become overwhelmed with your fear, you won't be
able to effectively protect yourself. You might become paralyzed
and give up. In other words, feel the fear and do it anyway.
I always had a protector blockade out in front
when I had to go back to my previous location and had any
dealing with cult members. Protectors are wonderful. They can
become your best helpers in keeping you safe. I also took an
outside, safe accountable person with me.
The cult rarely, if ever, wants to be noticed by
those who could expose it. Therefore, they do not ever, 99.9% of
the time, harass the therapists of SRA/MC/DID survivors and
hardly ever their significant others.
If the cult is going to harass therapists,
significant others and friends of the survivor, they will do it
in covert ways. They may send people into their lives to
distract them from helping the survivor. They will do things
obscurely so that their involvement won't be detected, ways that
won't or can't be reported to the police.
I have safe people stay with me, especially at
night on trigger dates that my alters have told me about. I have
a very supportive friend to whom I am accountable for my time. I
give her a schedule of my activities outside of work time. If I
start to lose time, she'll notice.
Have a couple of trusted friends or your
therapist who can take turns as check-in people. When you leave
to go somewhere, let these folks know where you are going. Be
sure to give them the route you are taking. When you arrive,
call again. Never go out alone at night.
Document, Document, Document. Get copies of
everything. Police reports, medical files and social service
case files can disappear. Also list all visits, dates, times and
people. Make a set of copies and keep the originals in a very
safe place. Keep a camera and/or tape recorder close by.
Cults don't usually kill members who were
ritually abused as children. In their eyes, such people are an
investment, and they will wait indefinitely to collect on their
In time they will stop pursuing you because it
reminds them that they are losing. In an arrogant stance, they
will leave you alone, still believing you will come back
You don't have to punish yourself for freedom.
Each day your mind will become clearer and you
will find they have less control over your life. Someday you
will truly know the meaning of the word freedom.
Mr. Light & Associates, Inc. www.mrlight.org
Used by permission
you are going to work with ritual abuse survivors, you
must also get educated if you want to be effective. And
you must learn to be humble. Trauma survivors do not need
to be around ignorant, modern-day Pharisees. Survivors in
pain need people who will connect with them on an
emotional level, get right down in there where they are,
and listen. --Kathleen Sullivan