|
PLEASE NOTE: This article
discusses perpetration, trauma, and cult
programming. If you are a survivor, do not read
if these subjects are triggering unless with
your therapist or a safe person.
I will be writing on an
extremely difficult subject, that of trauma
bonding, also known as bonding to the
perpetrator. This is difficult to do for several
reasons. As a child, I was in a state of “captivity
to my abuser” as delineated in trauma
journals. I was raised in an isolative cult, and
bonded heavily to my primary programmers, both
my parents, and the trainers that worked with
me. Then, as an adult, I continued the vicious
cycle when I became a trainer, then a head
trainer, and bonded others to me.
Trauma bonding is the issue that
is left out of the equation when people ask “Why
do cult members recontact their perps? Why do
they keep going back for more abuse?” Without
understanding chronic trauma, and the effects of
trauma bonding, it is impossible to understand
the dynamic involved. I will be sharing in this
article both from personal memory of methods
used, as well as sourcing to the literature on
the subject. My greatest hope is that by
understanding this often misunderstood subject,
that others may be helped to pull out of its
insidious pull.
If a person is unable to escape
chronic, traumatic abuse, they will eventually
begin to bond with their perpetrator(s). This
has been well documented in the literature. It
will occur because of the dehumanization of the
victim, who may reach a state of feeling that
they are “robotized” or nonfeeling, combined
with a disruption in the capacity for intimacy
caused by the trauma.
“ Trauma impels people both to
withdraw from close relationships and to seeks
them desperately. The profound disruption in
basic trust, the common feelings of shame,
guilt, and inferiority, and the need to avoid
reminders of the trauma that might be found in
social life, all foster withdrawal from close
relationships. But the terror of the traumatic
event intensifies the need for protective
attachments. The traumatized person therefore
frequently alternates between isolation and
anxious clinging to others... “(1)
Many victims of severe and
unrelenting trauma, whether domestic violence,
incest, or ritual abuse, will find that they
feel anxious when alone, and fear abandonment
and isolation. The over-dependent
characteristics are NOT a personality fault, but
a result of the chronic abuse. This is often
rooted in the fact that as a child, the trauma
survivor was not only a CAPTIVE to their abuse,
but they depended upon their perpetrator for
food, shelter, or other necessities. In
addition, with ritual abuse, a small child will
often be abandoned for periods of time, to
increase their dependency upon the very people
who are abusing them. Any two or three year old
will be almost insanely grateful to be rescued
from a small box that they have been confined
within for hours, or from the dark confines of a
musty basement where they have been left for a
day or two. Even the most abusive perpetrator
will then become the child’s rescuer, which is
the foundation of trauma bonding. In trauma
bonding, the person’s abuser will be perceived
as the one who delivers and rescues from the
abuse, as well as the tormentor. This creates a
psychological ambivalence that creates
dissociation in a young child. The very
helplessness and terror that are instilled by
the abuse, cause the child (or later, the adult)
to reach out to the only available hand for
relief: the perpetrator. And the perpetrator
WILL rescue and stop the abuse, or take the
child out of the confines of their pain, but for
a price: their unrelenting loyalty and
obedience. This is the traumatic underpinning of
all cult programming that I have seen: a
combination of abuse and kindness; terror and
rescue; degradation and praise.
This will be reinforced by the
perceived power of the perpetrator in the cult
situation: In situations of captivity, the
perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in
the life of the victim, and the psychology of
the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs
of the perpetrator. (1)
This is survival at its most
basic for the child raised in a cult setting,
since failure to do this will cause further
punishment and pain. The child will have seen
people tortured or killed for disobedience, and
so, literally, the perpetrator WILL have the
perceived power of life and death over the
child. If the child complies, and is “obedient”
to the demands of their perpetrator and the
group, they will be “rewarded”with freedom
from punishment and continued life. The intense
coercion to not only comply with, but to
identify idealistically, with the group in this
context is overwhelming. Almost all very young
children in an abusive cult setting will begin
to internalize their perpetrators in some form
in order to cope with this reality. And this
reaction will be rewarded heavily, if not done
intentionally. Many cult handlers or trainers
will pretend to “pass on their spirit” into
the child, and will tell the child that they now
“live within them” and “are always
watching them.” Frequently, the young child
will then create an internal alter with the same
name as the outside abuser or trainer.
I remember my second trainer,
Dr. Brogan, saying that he was giving himself
“immortality” by going to “live inside of
me” when I created (with his help) an internal
Dr.Brogan. This alternate personality became a
head internal trainer inside, the same role that
Dr. Brogan had on the outside, and part of
healing has meant learning that this internal
Brogan is actually part of ME and learning that
he no longer had to do his old “job” of
reprogramming me internally. It has also meant
breaking free of the hold that the GOOD memories
of him, the kindnesses, the expressions of love
and caring, held over me as well, since they
bonded me to him, and to the group that he
belonged to.
In the cult, it is not uncommon
to have a “death ritual” where the child is
brought to a near death experience. Afterwards,
the “rescuers” are the trainers who talk
soothingly to the child, massage him or her with
oils, and tell the child that they “owe their
life” to them. Not only that, but the warning
is given: if the child ever tries to break free,
they will return to the state of dying. Other
set ups will include burying a child alive in a
box or coffin; again, the perpetrators will
rescue the horrified child who is almost out of
their mind with terror (after several long
hours) under one condition: undying loyalty to
the group and the rescuers. Traumatized beyond
belief, the child readily complies. This time of
avowal and loyalty will be buried in a deep,
subconscious layer of the mind, and the older
adult or survivor may not be aware that part of
the draw to the group is the belief that they
“owe their life to them.” The subconscious
fear needs to be dealt with: that leaving the
group does NOT have to mean death, as they were
taught in early childhood traumatizations.
After any training session, all
Illuminati trainers know that the most important
time is the “kindness bonding” after the
trauma is over. The best trainers will have kind
personas that will come out, talk lovingly to
the “subject” and tell them how well they
did, how needed the subject is to the group, how
“special” and unique they are. Rewards such
as a special food, drugs, or a sexual partner
will be given as well. This “kindness” after
the trauma is the hook that will often draw
programmed personalities back to the cult, since
some personalities may know only of the rewards
and kindness, and will block the abuse. Heavily
abused alters have less of an investment in
returning to the cult; but heavily rewarded and
praised alters will, and must be helped in
therapy to see the whole picture.
Siblings and other children will
often form a trauma bond with each other, much
as soldiers in a war setting, or prisoners, will
do. “Twinning” with a non-biological twin
will carry this to an extreme. In different
situations, the children are allowed to “rescue”
each other, increasing their loyalty and bond to
each other. They will go through the same
programming and torture together, and will feel
the bond of “surviving it” together. A “battlefield”
mentality may literally develop, as friendships
deepen in youth and vows to be willing to die
for one another are given and taken. But all too
often, these friends and twins and siblings are
also forced to traumatize and wound each other,
reinforcing another basic cult message: the one
who loves you will hurt you.
The survivor who escapes the
cult will feel a powerful pull back because of a
lifetime of these types of distorted messages.
The safe therapist, or non-DID friend, is not
hurting them, and this may create a huge
dissonance in a person who up until this point
had always been taught that “love” meant “pain”.
They may doubt the reality of the caring
messages of those around them, or need to test
their support system over and over. And highly
wounded alters, who were bonded to believe that
they owe their very life to the ones who have
abused them most, may still try to recontact
former perpetrators, not believing that life can
be different yet.
Undoing a lifetime of this type
of teaching and training takes time, patience,
perseverance, and prayer. It will stretch the
most caring support person as they wonder why
the survivor recontacts their abuser. The
survivor will feel that they have betrayed
themselves, if they find they have recontacted
perpetrators, unaware of the powerful pull that
trauma bonding may still have on certain alters
inside. But with caring support and continued
therapy, the survivor will begin to test old
beliefs. Personalities formerly loyal to the
father, mother, or other trainers may decide to
cut off contact, and will go increasingly long
periods without being reaccessed. They may come
out in therapy, angry and disgruntled, or asking
when the therapist is going to “put down their
façade” and begin hurting them (this is
another form of testing). The person’s whole
world view may go through a 180 degree inside as
they realize that love does NOT have to mean
abuse, and the message reaches the deepest
layers inside. Deep grieving over the abuse of
trust, over the betrayals, over the
intentionality of the trauma bonding and the
set-ups will occur, as the person moves towards
healing and away from the pull of their former
abusers. The process takes time, often years, to
occur, but the result, which is a life free from
cult abuse, is well worth it.
References: 1. Trauma : site at http://tor-pw1.attcanada.ca/~lrs/info/tr...
excerpt from excellent book Trauma and Recovery
(1997) by Judith Lewis Herman, MD
2. Attachment and Bonding Center
of Oklahoma: site at http://www.abcok.org/attachment_disorder...
Good discussion of attachment disorder and
causes in infants
3. The Meadows press release:
“The Case for Traumatic Bonding: The Betrayal
Bond “by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., C.A.S.
Review of book that has an excellent discussion
of trauma bonding and emotional betrayal;
article has checklist of symptoms of trauma
bonding.
|
