Switching
By Sara Lambert
I have met with many people now who are
new to their diagnosis of MPD and one of their main concerns -
which I also shared in my early stages of therapy - is that
their multiplicity is obvious to anyone who meets them. TV and
the movies have left us with the idea that switching between
alter selves is a dramatic affair, with marked changes in voice,
appearance, and behaviour. When most people think of
multiplicity, they recall the "classic" cases of The
Three Faces of Eve and Sybil, where switching was overt and
noticeable, usually between a small number of selves who were
dramatically different from each other. However, these cases are
now considered representative of the minority. Perhaps one
reason why they were the hallmarks of MPD for so long is because
of their overt nature. The multiplicity of Eve and Sybil was
impossible to avoid. More subtle manifestations of multiplicity
were missed. Because few multiples have the Sybil-variety MPD,
and because only those who did were diagnosed, the condition was
considered rare for many decades.
These days, therapists understand that
multiplicity is a condition of great secrecy, and most switching
between alter selves is difficult to detect, at least initially.
Therefore they have become more alert, and so better able to
diagnose MPD even when it is covert. Unfortunately, though, the
popular perception of personality switches as being dramatic and
cliched continues. This may be because Sybil-variety MPD is
better television! But it has left multiples with two concerns.
One is that, if they're not like Sybil, they're not really
multiple. The second is that their swit-ching is as blatant as
that which they see portrayed on tv. This is a real problem
because it keeps multiples embarrassed about their multiplicity,
isolated from other people, and feeling out-of-control and
over-exposed. Without exception, I have been able to assure
people that even I, a multiple myself, can not necessarily tell
when they switch selves. The difficulty is that, unless we are
standing infront of a mirror at the time and able to hold on to
our own perceptions, we don't know what we look like when we
switch. It feels such a dramatic change that, especially in the
early days of our diagnosis, we are sure everyone around us must
have noticed.
There are two factors which influence
whether someone will be able to recognise multiples' switching.
The first, most obviously, is who we switch between. A change
from one adult female self to another is generally not going to
be so extreme, depending on their similarities in character and
presentation. On the other hand, a change from adult to child
self is going to create a number of considerable differences
that will be apparent to most people - although this is hinges
on how long the switch lasts for, whether the child self speaks
in her own voice or at all, and also whether the observer
believes in multiplicity and wants to accept what s/he is
seeing. The second factor is how well the observer knows you or
other multiples. It is usual for multiples to spend a number of
years in therapy and other health care systems and have no one
notice their multiplicity, until they meet a therapist who knows
what to look for. It is also usual for a therapist, friend, or
partner to become more adept over time at recognising switching
and knowing who is "out" without having to be told.
Sometimes, therapists and friends
may have an inexplicable sense that you have switched, even if
there are no apparent changes, even during a pause in a phone
conversation. People talk about feeling a tingling at the back
of their neck, a shift in the air, or an instinct in their minds
or bodies, that alert them to a multiple's switching. What
happens is that the switching process affects energy levels and
the subconscious alignments between people. Most people,
especially those who don't know you are multiple, will not be
aware of these subtleties of existence, nor have any
understanding why they suddenly feel "the atmosphere change
slightly" as you covertly switch. But people who are
familiar with multiples learn to pick up on these changes.
Animals are especially attuned to them, as any multiple with a
pet will be aware. (It seems uncanny sometimes to me how well my
cats and dog know when I switch, and how they change their own
attitudes to accommodate the newly arrived person!)
So what does a multiple look like when
she switches selves? There are a number of characteristics that
are affected by switching. However, it is important to remember,
as you read further, everyone is unique. If your switching style
is not accounted for, that does not mean you are abnormal,
non-multiple, or somehow "doing it wrong". There is no
wrong way!
Facial Changes: The eyes
are the windows of the soul, and more than one MPD psychologist
has lectured in lyrical depth about the eye changes that occur
with switching. They are generally insubstantial and
indescribable changes, yet, at the same time, very apparent.
Just "something" in the eyes conveys the new person
behind them. Sometimes, a multiple's eyes will change
colour when she switches, from dark blue to light grey, for
example - certainly, this was well-noticed in me long before
anyone knew I was multiple.
Other facial changes include a
rearrangement of wrinkles and creases, a shift of the jaw from
underbite to overbite, and muscle tension/relaxation. Skin may
become flushed or pale. Even bone structure can seem to alter,
although in fact it is the mobile features (muscles, jaw, etc)
being rearranged that make it look like the bones themselves
have moved.
Sometimes these changes can be very
dramatic, and the multiple may end up looking like quite a
different person. In other cases, a subtle shift in expression
is all that indicates switching. It is also not uncommon for
multiples to keep their faces as still as possible during
switching, in an effort (conscious or not) to hide the change in
selves.
Body Changes: Switching
is often accompanied by changes in posture, body language, and
physical gestures. This is especially the case if the alter self
is locked within memories of abuse, and holds their body as if
the abuse is still happening to them. For example, they may curl
up, rock, pace, jam themselves into a corner or under furniture,
or go very stiff, experiencing themselves as still living in the
past time. But the re-enactments of abuse can also be very
subtle, such as massaging an arm that was broken in the past or
digging fingernails into skin to distract from painful thoughts.
Different selves also have mannerisms
unique to them. One may be restless, another languid, another
physically expressive, another uptight with a nervous tic -
various traits of individual personality. Although the body does
not actually change in a real sense, different selves may
arrange it in a way that can really make it look like they have
somehow shrunk or increased in size. Child selves may appear to
have difficulty getting their feet to reach the floor. Angry
ones may sit with such confidence and force of presence that
they seem to be six feet tall. There is also often a
change in selves' abilities to managed physical movement. Some
are incredibly strong and can lift things the body does not seem
capable of lifting. Some have a deftness not seen in any of the
other selves. And some limp, suffer paralysis in parts or all of
the body, and have tremors. A number suffer physical
disabilities like mutism, deafness, blindness, and being
crippled. When tested, they maintain these disabilities - in
other words, they are not pretending, they genuinely can not see
or walk, even if their body is capable to doing so. In other
cases, physical changes are very subtle or non-existant. A
number of multiples do not have a close association with their
bodies, and so do not really "wear" it to any great
extent; others have a specific alter whose job it is to hold the
body at all times, therefore maintaining a smoothness of
physical characteristics.
Voice and Speech Changes: You
would think that, since all selves inhabit one body, all
would be limited to the same vocal range. But there can be
alterations in pitch, volume, rate, manner of speaking, accent,
language use, and vocabulary. Child selves may use "baby
talk" and the idiosyncratic grammar of children who have
not learned the proper use of tenses. Some selves may have
speech problems, such as stuttering or lisping. These changes
have been investigated with voice spectral analysis and it has
been proven that they can't be duplicated by actors. However, it
is also true that voice/speech changes are generally subtle
enough that an observer who was unaware of your multiplicity may
not even pick them up.
Emotional Changes: This
is where switching is at its most obvious. Sudden changes in
emotion, especially when "inappropriate", often get
multiples slapped with the labels "moody" or
"manic-depressive". Tears that come and go in seconds,
flashes of anger, and other abrupt changes make it apparent to
everyone that some kind of switch has occurred, even if they do
not know to call it MPD. However, multiples are not constantly
bouncing off the walls or flicking in and out of different
emotional states, and most changes blend in to the spectrum of
"normal" behaviour.
The Switching Process: Switching
can take place instantaneously or over a few minutes. Usually it
begins with one slow blink, a number of rapid blinks, or an
upward roll of the eyes. Sometimes there is a muscular reaction,
such as facial grimacing, twitching, shuddering, or an abrupt
shift in posture. In the case of extended switches, a multiple
may go into an unresponsive trance. More rarely, switches may be
violent and extreme, and look like seizures. Both the trance
episodes and the seizures mean that a false diagnosis of
epilepsy is given to a significant number of multiples.
Even before they know they have MPD,
multiples can be very clever at hiding their switching. They
look away, lower their head, rub their hand across their
forehead or through their hair so their face is hidden for a
moment, and/or wait until no one is looking at them.
Typically following switching, the
newly arrived self will orient him/herself to place and time
with small behaviours known as "grounding". For
example, she may clasp her hands, touch her temples, look around
the room, rearrange her posture, cough discreetly. Panic is rare
since, after all, multiples have been switching all their lives.
If she meets a pregnant silence which obviously indicates to her
that the previous self was in the middle of a conversation, she
will make a casual comment such as, "I'm sorry, could you
say that again?" or "Where were we?" to get the
conversation back on track with minimum suspicion on the part of
the other person. It is easier than singletons would think to
continue talking eloquently about a subject you find yourself
suddenly dropped into!
Multiplicity is a highly adaptive
mechanism, designed to allow the survivor the best possible
level of functioning. Thus switching generally happens in
a logical way and for good reasons. An alter comes out because
s/he is the most ideal one to handle what is going on at the
time. It may be because she is an expert in the
circumstances (eg, a quick-witted alter confronting a snarky
shop assistant) or because she holds essential information (eg,
an alter who knows how to drive operating the car) or because
her inability to handle the situation is the best way to get out
of said sit-uation (eg, a scared child coming out, crying
inconsolably, when everyone else in the system wants to avoid a
thorny question their therapist has just asked). It is usually
when the internal system is stressed or in some kind of trouble
that switching becomes problematic, with the wrong people coming
out uninvited, and the changes showing up more clearly as less
care is taken to hide the multiplicity.
Not Switching: Most
of the time, multiples actually do not switch overtly. Rather,
we commonly experience internal switches where selves influence
our feelings and actions rather than coming "out" to
take full control of the body. This creates sensations like
hearing words coming out of your mouth that don't belong to you,
seeing the world as if you are taller or shorter, having someone
else's feelings and thoughts overlapping your own, and so on.
This covert, behind-the-scenes action is usually hard for anyone
on the outside to notice (although experienced therapists will
often say things like "Is there someone behind you right
now?", sensing the hidden influence). For this reason,
multiples can realistically go for decades with no one,
including themselves, being aware of their MPD.
Used by permission. http:///users.actrix.co.nz/tmspirit/index.html
If
you are going to work with ritual abuse survivors, you
must also get educated if you want to be effective. And
you must learn to be humble. Trauma survivors do not need
to be around ignorant, modern-day Pharisees. Survivors in
pain need people who will connect with them on an
emotional level, get right down in there where they are,
and listen. --Kathleen Sullivan |
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